The Beginning

When this illness saga began, I said I wasn't going to post about it Facebook.  I'm kinda proud, independent, and private.  I think what I meant was, I'm just not ready to share with the world yet.  I wasn't even ready to share it with my closest friends.  It took me a bit to do that.  I'm writing now partly to share progress and to help me remember the details, but mostly, I'm writing as a way to really process what has happened and is happening to my body, my brain, and my life. I'm a thinker more than a feeler so my first reaction was practical not emotional.  I have feelings, but I need to think about them awhile to know what they are.  There have been a lot of thoughts and feelings to process. Things came at me so fast at first that I couldn't feel or even think too much.  I could only react and follow directions to the next appointment or test.

  

Two months ago, I went in for a colonoscopy and received news that I had colorectal cancer.  Since then I've had a MRI, a CT scan, a PET scan, an endoscopy and ultrasound, a port installed, three chemotherapy treatments, and countless appointments with either my GI doctor, my oncologist, or my surgeon.  In the midst of all that we celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.  It's enough to make any sane person's head spin.  Luckily I was not entirely sane to start with.

After three chemotherapy treatments, I can say I'm tolerating it pretty well.  It is not easy or fun, but it is not beating me up too badly either. The nausea has been minimal to non-existent. I haven't lost my hair and probably won't with the chemo drugs I'm taking. My symptoms range from the normal fatigue and low energy to the annoying cold sensitivity in my fingers and in my mouth.  I wear gloves everywhere because my fingers tingle.  Because I can't tolerate cold drinks, I drink room temperature Coca-Cola which is an abomination to this Georgia girl.  

Mentally, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about my treatment and the prognosis.  I am relatively young, and aside from having cancer, I'm in great health. From a faith perspective, I know that God is with me and will stay with me.  I know that he has put people in my life who have and will help and encourage me as I go through this.  I know my needs will be met, and I believe that healing is possible.  My job is to keep moving forward and have faith.

I'm catching up on my chronology of events, processing as I go.  I will be writing more in the coming weeks about how things have unfolded and the details of my illness.  I'll cover the serious to the silly. Being able to laugh at the absurdity of it lifts the weight and has gotten me through some rough times. There are also some serious topics like conversations with Sara and the trials and tribulations of walking a 9-year old through an illness.  By the way, Sara is faring well all things considered.  She's resilient and yet pensive.  She's also 9 years old and pretty into her own stuff too.  Like me, she is surrounded by great people who help and encourage her. 

The most surprising thing to come out of the past two months is the outpouring of love and support from expected and unexpected sources.  I'm surrounded by loving and supportive people from the closest friends to mere acquaintances.  People have been so kind and so generous.  I have to admit that it kind of rocks my inner cynical core a bit, and that isn't a bad thing. Sara and I are both so loved and so blessed.