Disappointment or Opportunity?

Today, for the second time in two months, I was delayed in my chemotherapy schedule.  I'm scheduled to go every other week, but it all depends on my platelet count. The ideal is 100 or over but we squeak by when they are around 75.  Today they were 64. That is a no go.

I'm disappointed because I want to stay on schedule. I want to be able to plan this out to the end of this round which is only three treatments away. I want to get past it so I can focus on summer, preparing for surgery, and envisioning what is ahead after we get past the world of cancer treatment.  But disappointed or not, I have no control over this.

There is nothing to be done for the platelet count.  Your platelets regenerate every 2-3 weeks on their own.  They will not be rushed with steak, sunshine, rest, wearing red, or any of the other things I've tried.  The odd thing is that I don't feel run down or depleted.  In all honesty, the day I go to chemo is usually one of the days I feel the best.  Most chemo patients will tell you that about the time they start feeling better, it's time for the next cycle.  I generally have a week or so of feeling good between treatments. I had enough energy to survive this past weekend of performances of the play Sara was in.

The last time I was delayed was in March.  That delay meant that I wouldn't be coming off chemo the weekend of Sara's play which I took as a huge relief and a blessing.  Working and watching the play through three performances is hard enough without the added drag of recovering from chemo.  This time it means that I have an extra week to enjoy being with Sara.  The past few weeks have been full of play preparations and after school stuff.  We have no after school activities this week.  Because of the testing going on at school, Sara has no homework this week.  And now I'm feeling good and have a break from chemo.  This is a perfect storm of school year bliss for me. For both of us. So instead of feeling bad from chemo, I get to enjoy unscheduled time with Sara.  

Cancer is teaching me, or rather forcing me, to be more flexible and less scheduled.  I'm trying to view these delays in a positive light.  The delays are disappointing because I just want to get to the end.  I made a promise to Sara when this started that when I felt good, we would do fun things. That we wouldn't let cancer steal our joy. So I'm viewing this extra week as a free week for spontaneous fun and restful nights.