Habits Worth Keeping

It is New Year’s Eve and everyone is thinking about habits they want to kick - smoking, drinking, junk food, etc..  My personal bad habit is procrastination.  Speaking of that, I am working on a year in review post that I will not finish before the end of the year.  In the meantime, here are a few of my good habits that I’ve either cultivated this year or had for several years.  Either way, they are habits worth hanging on to.

Wear your way through a closet cleanout – About midway through each season, I start wearing my way through my closet.  The goal is to wear every item (clothes, shoes, accessories) in the closet at least once.  Because I rotate the worn items through my closet, it is easy to identify what I have not worn at the end of the season.  Those items are automatically put into the donate pile.  I like this method because it is easier for those of us who are time strapped.  You don’t have to go through your entire wardrobe at once.  It evolves over the season. 

Justify your (stuff’s) existence – Sometimes you just need to pull stuff out of the cabinet and/or closet and figure out what’s there and why you are keeping it.  I love this game whenever I get annoyed that I can’t find what I want or can’t get to it easily.  That’s my signal that it’s time for a mini clean out session.

Eat the Elephant One Bite at a Time – In any large project, it is easy to get overwhelmed.  I try to break projects up into smaller pieces (bites) to make it through.  Can’t imagine tackling a whole room or closet?  Pick a small manageable part to start with.  This is an easy way to see progress which is ultimately what you need to stay motivated through to the end.

Give (and Ask For) Gifts of Experiences – Last year I asked my mother to give my daughter a zoo membership for her birthday.  We have been to the zoo a lot in the past six months and will pick back up again when the weather warms a bit.  A gift of experience is so much better than a gift of plastic junk that will be played with, left in the floor, stepped on and then forgotten.  Experiences are remembered long after the toys are gone.

Create Systems That Work – I love systems and I use them to keep us organized with everything we need. During the summer months, we have a pool bag that stays by the door.  In it is everything we need to take for a quick trip to the pool.  No searching for sunscreen or swim goggles as everything stays in the bag.  I also have a toiletry bag that is ready for travel without even a glance – a relic from the days when I traveled a lot for work.  We have a system for my daughter's school stuff.  I’m always on the lookout for ways to add more of these systems to our life.

Watch Hoarding reality shows – This is a new one but I find that watching an episode of Hoarders is just the kick that I need to get motivated to clean something up or throw some stuff out.  Sometimes it is only a quick pick up of a room or a cleaning out a drawer but it does the trick.  If I watch it with my husband, then he gets the clean up fever too.  We should have this as required viewing about a week before family comes to town.

Hope everyone has a Happy New Year!

Letting go of more than old sweaters and furniture

When I started this blog a year ago, I knew I would have to write this post eventually.  It’s been on my mind all year.  This is the most difficult topic to discuss because it is so personal.  In the past few months I have written about stuff and I am not emotionally attached to stuff so it has been easy to get rid of it, analyze it, and write about it.  I am not an introspective person by nature so analyzing abstract and esoteric things like emotions does not come easily for me.

This post is about letting go of expectations and gaining appreciation.  The past few years have been a bit of a roller coaster for us personally.  We decided two plus years ago that we were ready to have another child.  So we set about doing what you do to make that happen.  It didn’t happen.  My eggs were ticking (loudly) so we started down the fertility treatment road.  I found out that I was pregnant in October 2010.  We were very excited but mostly we were relieved.  After quite a bit of effort, we were able to check that box.  Fertility stress is unlike many other stresses you will endure in a marriage.  It makes you question your body, your decisions, your partner, the universe, etc.  Most of all, it makes you keenly aware of every other pregnant woman within a 3000-mile radius.  If you don’t watch yourself, you can become bitter, jealous, and so unstable that Michele Duggar on the cover of People at the grocery store will send you into a depressive spiral or a screaming rage.  (I never did this, by the way.)

We were quiet about the pregnancy not wanting to jinx it by talking about.  The 8 weeks ultrasound looked good, but around 11 weeks I noticed that I wasn’t gaining weight anymore, and by the time I got to my 12 week appointment, I was in a full blown panic.  Thank God that Rob was with me at that appointment.  I knew from the moment the ultrasound began that something was wrong.  Rob knew.  We just needed to be told officially.  This was 10 days before Christmas and three days before we were going to tell our daughter and our families.  The next day we navigated the remnants of an ice storm from the previous day to get to the hospital for the D&C.  It was a dreadful day at the hospital and nothing went smoothly.  The next day I felt physically okay and tried to get busy getting ready for Christmas which was now 8 days away.  We managed to get through the holidays by focusing on the holidays.  (This is a common coping mechanism for a Vulcan like me.)  We wanted to make sure that our daughter had a joyous 4-year old girl Christmas.  When we were finally able to deal with the emotional side, it was January and the pain was still there but wasn’t quite so raw. 

In April we visited a fertility doctor for more drugs, tests, shots, tests, ultrasounds, etc.  We followed the regimen for three months.  I was at the fertility doctor’s office every week for something, and I began to feel as if I knew the nurse’s 5-year old grandson personally having heard so much about him during my weekly blood lettings.  After the third unsuccessful attempt, I declared us done.  I was tired of being poked and prodded.  I was tired of the financial and emotional drain.  But most of all I was tired of forcing things to be something they obviously were not meant to be.  And did I mention that I was tired?  Rob agreed.  He was tired too.  We had gone down the fertility road as far as we were willing to go, and together we decided it wasn’t meant to be.  Over the next few months we came to accept that this was where we were – parents of an only child.  

Since we called it quits on fertility treatments we have been reclaiming what is normal in our life.  Letting go of the expectation of another child has been both sad and liberating.  This is something we definitely wanted.  We held onto it for a long time thinking that wishing and praying would make it so.  Continuing to hope for that second child meant that we were putting so many other things in our life on hold – remodeling, redecorating, vacations, etc. – because we didn’t want to paint that room if a baby was on the way.  Why replace the carpet if a baby is going to show up and pee all over it?  Why get rid of the crib, the changing table and the Boppy pillows if we are going to have another one?   Letting go of the possibility of a second child means that I can let go of the stuff.  And by letting go of the stuff has made it easier to let go of that dream.

As we reflected on it and accepted our new reality, we were able to appreciate all that we have.  Our daughter is healthy and happy.  We are able to give her the full benefit of our emotional and financial resources.  We get to attend all of her activities, be involved at her school and be fully present for her.  That isn’t to say that being parents of an only child is the right thing for all but it is the right thing for us.  Even though this is not how we planned it, we are at peace with our life.  I have learned that in life you don’t get what you earn, you don’t get what you want, you don’t get what you pray for.  You get what you are supposed to have and you have to accept that there is more to it than what you are able to see.  In the words of Pinkalicious’ mom, “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.”  Or perhaps you prefer John Lennon, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Christmas Tree Decorating (and Purging)

We put the Christmas tree up this weekend.  As I do every year, I scratch my head at how many Christmas ornaments I have.  I have enough to decorate at least 3 full size trees.  When you add the indoor and outdoor lights, various Christmas linens, stockings, and other Christmas décor, we have a massive collection of plastic totes filled with stuff.  There are some things we cannot part with like the nativity scene and the nutcracker collection that has occupied the mantle every Christmas for years.  There is a ton of other stuff that we have kept out of a sense of obligation.  I’m tired of dragging all this stuff out only to put out half of it.  I am pulling everything out of the closet and then either using it or getting rid of it.  There will be none of this “we might use that next year” business.  

My daughter is a bit of a hoarder at this point in her life.  I think she sensed that I was planning on getting rid of ornaments.  She responded by putting as many ornaments on the tree as possible.  I finally had to ask her to step away from the tree otherwise it was going to fall over from the weight of her efforts.  

After she wandered away to play, I managed to identify 77 items for purging - 7 Hallmark ornaments destined for ebay, 30 lovely glass ornaments that I no longer use with an often clumsy 5-year old in the house and 40 hideous plastic ornaments from my “Blue Christmas” phase a few years ago.  The ornaments that don’t get a chance for a new life on ebay will be donated as soon as possible.  I’m sure there are people who can use them now rather than in January.  By the end of the week, we will complete the decorating and evaluate what we are not using and make some hard decisions on what to keep.  I hope to free up at least one plastic tote from our holiday décor.

Operation Consigment Sale Complete

Well the semi-annual consignment sale took place and it was a success for us on many levels.  First, I was able to get 105 items out of my house.  Secondly, we got money for them because most items sold.  Of the original 105 items, 16 of them were toys that my daughter agreed to part with in exchange for getting to keep the proceeds (little bribes).  The other 89 items were baby and kids clothes, shoes, maternity clothes, and a few remaining baby items.  We sold 80 items in total – 10 of my daughter’s and the other 70 were mine.  Most of our items sold at full price which tells me that I priced things well.  This was my first time doing this kind of a sale so I was a little unsure about the reasonableness of my pricing.  The 25 items that didn’t sell were donated to a local charity.  I opted not to pick up the unsold but send them straight to a charity of the sale operator’s choosing.

Our combined take home from the event (70% of sales - $15 registration fee) was $300.  Of that my daughter pocketed $50.  She is thrilled with her share although slightly less thrilled that I’m asking her to donate part of her earnings to our church. 

Running total of items purged in 2011 - 655!

Consignment Sale Time

I'm in a bit of a frenzy getting stuff together for a local semi-annual consignment sale.  Normally I take stuff to my local consignment shop.  I like it because I drop it off and they give it the yay or nay.  After that it is their problem to price and sell.  If it doesn't sell it gets donated so I never have to see it again.  I get 55% of the sale price. 

The store can be pretty picky about the brands, age, condition, etc..  I have some stuff from discount stores that my consignment shop will not accept.  Also, I still have maternity clothes from when I was pregnant with my now kindergartener.  (This is an entire post on its own.)  I don't know of a fixed-base store locally that accepts maternity clothes.  So as much as I don't like the idea of stockpiling, I have been rounding up and tagging items for the sale that happens in mid-September.  Thus far there are 97 items waiting to be sold.  I think I need to round up three more so I can say that I got rid of a nice round 100 items.  Tomorrow I will raid my daughter's toy box and closet one more time.

Stuffed Animal Overload

My 5 year old loves her stuffed animals (or snugglies), and she has tons of them.  She has so many that she can’t possibly play with them all.  I'm not sure she even knows what she has.  Years ago the snugglies overwhelmed the tub I put in her room to contain them.  Today I decided that it was time to deal with them because they were taking over her room.  Here is what we started with.  

I didn’t count how many were there but as you can see, it is too many.  My only rule for the reduction was that everything had to fit into the tub.  I did make a concession for the Build-A-Bears and her beloved Pooh bear that is huge.  Those were automatically keepers, but everything else had to fit in the tub.  In the end, I took out two kitchen size trash can bags of stuffed animals which is about a 2/3 reduction in stuffed animals.  Here are the animals who made the cut.

Now if I can keep her grandparents (specifically her Nana) from repopulating the snugglies. . . Christmas is only 4 months away so I better start laying the groundwork for a stuffed animal free Christmas today.

The Summer of Chaos

This summer was a wild ride full of birthday parties, travel, camps, swim lessons and one unexpected storm resulting in a 4-day long power outage.  We are still getting back to normal around our house.  Since we are 2/3 of the way through 2011, I need to get back on track and finish this project by year end.  By this point, I should have rid our household of about 243 items.  I had gotten rid of 278 items before March so I’m sure I’m still on track.  Nevertheless, let’s recount.   

During May I was stockpiling stuff for the yard sale.  At the June yard sale, I managed to sell about 75 items including some large items – patio table and chairs, camping chairs, baby items, etc.  During June, we took a lot of the unsold yard sale items to Goodwill – a total of 107 items.  In July many of the baby gear items that did not sell at the yard sale went to the local children’s consignment shop – a total of 10 items.  Even though the number was small, the impact was large because I got rid of some large baby items – pack and play, changing table, baby swing, etc.  In August I took another 80 items to Goodwill.  A total of 550 items have left our house in 2011.

The current project is to clean out my daughter’s room and give her a space better suited to a school-aged kid.  This means clearing out the rest of the baby stuff and outgrown clothes.  Since I’ve already consigned the big stuff, I’m left with the stuff that the consignment store will not take.  I have another option in one of those semi-annual multi-day consignment sales.  They are more generous in their merchandise and take a larger variety of stuff including maternity clothes.  This is the first time I have participated in this sale so this is a bit of an experiment.  I’m sure I’ll have a post about that after the dust has settled.  The long and short is that I’m back to stockpiling which I hate.  However, the sale takes place in September so I will be rid of this stuff soon enough.

Yard Sale Saturday - Let the Wild Haggling Commence!

We decided to put the April, May and June cast offs into a multi-family yard sale.  This idea has been brewing for several months – partly due to this blog and my two neighbors who follow the blog.  I have mixed feelings about yard sales.  On the one hand, it is nice to get a little cash for your stuff.  On the other hand, etiquette goes out the window with a lot of yard salers.  I understand that haggling is part of the experience and I’m fine with that.  But I am not going to give the stuff away.  And if I do it will be to Goodwill and not some random person who is standing in my yard arguing with me over a quarter.  I also don’t like the idea that it’s cool to contact me prior to the sale to preview.  The last yard sale we had several years ago, we had people coming in our driveway and peeking in our garage.  Seriously, if you are that aggressive, you should be selling used cars or in multi level marketing.  Your talents are wasted on yard sales.

So despite my reservations, I agreed to do this because I thought the peer pressure would encourage me and the phrase “multi-family” in front of “yard sale” tends to draw more customers.   Plus this would give me someone to talk to as I stood in my front yard roasting in the heat and wondering why I subjected myself to this – again.

The week before the yard sale saw a flurry of activity at our house.  The cabinets, closets and the garage were rifled through.  We walked through the house again and again evaluating our artwork, furniture, clothing, etc.  I also spent a sneezy night in the cobweb and dust filled garage cleaning off baby gear.  I had a pretty substantial pile of stuff to put out come Saturday morning.  

At 6:30 Saturday morning, I was awake and getting ready for the big day.  Our ad was explicit about the start time of 8 a.m.  We are not morning people and the last thing we want is to deal with is strangers before we’ve even consumed our morning caffeine.  By 7:00 we were dragging stuff out in the yard.  At 7:02 a woman stops by in a mini van and says “Mind if I take a look?”  At this point there are empty tables and about 10 items in the yard.  Plus the garage around back is wide open as is my front door.  My partners in this endeavor were not even at the house yet.  As politely as I could muster (without my full dose of caffeine), I replied, “We don’t have anything out yet.”  She drove off to find someone else who had their shit together a little better than us on a Saturday morning.  I’m not sure if she found it, but she did return about 8:30 and she spent $20 so I was glad I was polite.

Between the three households, we had a dining room set, chairs, a pie safe, a couch, end tables, a sofa table, rugs, wall art, camping chairs, patio furniture, linens, various items of clothing, toys and baby gear.   Tons of baby gear.  I was hoping the baby gear would be a good customer draw.  It wasn’t.  From my own collection, I put out three strollers, three car seats, one infant play gym, two large totes of kids clothes, two totes of toys and an awesome baby swing.  I sold one stroller, one car seat, the infant play gym and about a third of the baby/toddler clothes. 

I made a small addition to my mad money as did the two other moms.  We didn’t have the amount of traffic that I would have hoped for but we did have a steady stream of people.  We had our share of strange people but there was not a lot of haggling.  For the most part people were willing to pay what we asked.  And we were happy to give up a few dollars to move an item.  As for the leftovers, the baby stuff can go to consignment and still bring a buck.  The other stuff will go to Goodwill.  My intention was to take it straight from the yard to the Goodwill but we did not get to do that after the sale because the rain moved in right as we were wrapping up.  We were all scrambling to get the stuff put away and get the kids inside for their naps. 

I’m glad that I did this but I will not be doing it again for at least another five years.  Once or twice a decade is fine with me.

I fell off the de-cluttering wagon

I was not successful in getting rid of anything in April or May.  Here come the excuses.  My husband started a new job which means that he is not home to deal with dinner, laundry and all the incidental things that come up.  We have had to adjust our household routine for this new schedule.  Consequently de-cluttering has been pushed to the back burner.  In my defense, I will say that I’ve already gotten rid of 278 items in the first three months of 2011.  I am way ahead so I can justify a small break.  Actually, I can justify just about anything which is how I got into this cluttered mess to begin with.

I will get back on track from now until mid-June because we are gearing up for an early summer multi-family yard sale.  Generally when I am done with something I set it aside for a trip to the consignment store or to be donated.  I try to get it out of the house as quickly as possible.  Recently I have been stockpiling stuff for the potential yard sale.  The problem is that I’m running out of space for stockpiling.  One way or another, this stuff is leaving my house.  It’s either going to bring a buck at the yard sale or its going straight to Goodwill on the same day.  June will be a catch up from April and May.

March Update

We are back on track with the de-clutter effort.  The party hosting is over, the bookshelves are in, and we are back to clearing out clutter.   When I started this year, I said that I would get rid of two things for every one item I brought in the house.  I haven’t really stuck to that too well. It is just too much to keep track of to be honest.  Once I get my house all streamlined, I’ll be better about the one-in-two-out rule.  Right now, I am opting to stick to the one item every day which also requires a little flexibility.  I don’t really get rid of something every day.  Generally I have one or two mini clean out sessions a week when I get rid of several things.

This month we mostly focused on putting the fall and winter clothes away and getting out our spring stuff.  In January I decided that I would wear every item in my work wardrobe.  If I dreaded wearing a particular item, it came out of the closet.  If I got home and was cranky because something itched, didn’t fit right or bugged me all day, it didn’t go back in the closet.  Then there was my husband’s closet clean out that I detailed in an earlier post.   All in all we got rid of 70 items this month. 

Birthday Party Clutter

As parents of a young child, we go to a lot of birthday parties.  Between the 18 classmates in my daughter’s pre-school and our neighborhood friends, I think we go to at least one party per month.  We get invited to more than we can actually reasonably attend.  My main complaint is the proliferation of plastic junk as birthday party favors.  I know that these are easy to obtain and cheap, and I have to admit that I have used them in the past.  However, this stuff always ends up in the landfill.  At our house they land on the floor first.  After I have picked them up, stepped over them, or stepped on them one too many times, they end up in the trash.  My daughter hasn’t noticed that I’m throwing away her “treasures” yet which tells me that she didn’t think about them very long after we got home from the party.

In a rare departure, this weekend’s birthday party favor was a handmade Batman cape (in pink for the girls).  It was awesome because the kids ran around the party in their capes being kid superheros.  This is one favor that I know she will play with because what kid doesn’t like the put on a cape and pretend to be a superhero.  Even my girly girl can get into that.  It can be hung on a hook in her closet or put into the dress up box.  Best of all is the fact that it is not plastic.  I’ll grant you that not everyone has the time or ability to make a handmade favor.  I am certainly not a seamstress or even moderately crafty.  Not to mention that I’m pretty sure this mom spent many a late night working on 20 capes!  As I plan my daughter’s party in June, I’m choosing favors that are actual things that the kids can use rather than extruded plastic made in China (possibly with lead-based paint).  Will they still end up in the landfill?  Probably.  But maybe the kids will get some use out of it before it makes its way to the landfill. 

A couple that purges together . . .

. . . lives in a cleaner house.  I can’t guarantee you’ll stay together but at least you’ll have one less thing to disagree on.

For the first time in the 2011 de-cluttering effort, dear husband has really engaged in it.  He starts a new job in April after a very long period of unemployment. He has not updated his work clothes in years so he had to buy a bunch of new things so that he looked professional.  In the process of putting his new clothes away, we decided to clear out some of the old stuff.   He still had shirts from when we met – 8+ years ago.  And it isn’t like those shirts were new when we met so they’re probably 10 or more years old.  He wouldn’t wear them so they got shoved to the back of the closet – never to be seen again.  I did the first run through the shirts and pulled out about eight shirts.  I gave him the option to veto, and he only vetoed one.  Then he went through the shirts again, and then his shoes and his t-shirts.  We got rid of things that looked dated or worn out, stuff that didn’t fit right, and stuff that I deemed “high maintenance”.  Since I do the ironing, I prefer as many wrinkle-free and easy care shirts as we can have.  The result was 23 items to Goodwill and 16 items to the trash.  We ran out of time and energy before we could finish with all of his clothes, but that will do for now.  I love getting him involved in this sort of thing because it trips a switch and then he’s off a cleaning and purging binge.  We love getting rid of things.  I appreciate having a spouse who shares my enthusiasm for a clean streamlined house.  Being a team makes clearing out and maintaining order a lot easier on everyone.

The Great Luggage Clean Out

I was digging through the closets looking for the appropriate bag to take on a quick trip home a few weeks ago and was struck by how many travel bags we have.  It’s not like we travel a lot these days.  Since I had suitcases and bags stuffed in three closets, it was easy to lose sight of just how much we had and easy for things to go unused.  So I pulled out all the suitcases, duffel bags and garment bags and put them all together to decide which of them needed to go.  In all we had 12 bags – three medium size duffel bags, one large duffel bag, one extra large rolling duffel bag, three garment bags (two of these were recent Christmas gifts), one extra large rolling suitcase (big enough to transport a body in if you had a need for such an item), one overhead-sized rolling suitcase, one kids rolling suitcase, one small carry one suitcase.   Twelve bags seems excessive for three people who really don’t travel by air very often.  The following items are slated for removal - the garment bag with a busted zipper; the extra large suitcase since I haven’t used it in at least 5 years (and have no need to transport a body); the small carry-on suitcase (I’m pretty sure that my grandmother gave me this 25+ years ago); and the duffel bag that my husband got as a high school graduation gift (20 years ago!).  These four go into the yard sale pile.  We kept eight bags which still seems like a lot.  However, we use all of these bags and they don’t require a ton of space to store.  The three duffel bags and the two new garment bags will fit inside the one extra large rolling duffel leaving only one bag and two rolling suitcases needing a home.  All of it can be stored in a single closet freeing up the others which were crammed full.  Next up the extensive collection of other bags – tote bags, laptop bags, briefcases, make up bags and the like.

The luggage collection before . . .

Found Treasures

I love it when I discover something that I either forgot I had or I have a new use for.  As I have embarked on the great clean out of 2011, I have found all sorts of things that we forgot we had.  Many of them ended up at Goodwill or the trash; however, occasionally I have stumbled onto something of use.

We added a digital SLR to our collection of electronics about 18 months ago.  I love our camera and am enjoying learning how to take better pictures.  In the process, we have acquired new gear as needed to explore the craft.  As part of our great clean out, I dove into the old (film) camera stuff we still have shoved into a seldom used closet.  I remember looking through this stuff when we bought the DSLR.  At that point, I was so overwhelmed with what I didn’t know that I did not really appreciate what we had or how I would use it.  Now I have had a lot of time to play with the camera and look for ways to improve,.  So I went through our old stuff again, and found a lot of useful stuff - five new (to me) filters and two lens hoods.  The value of what I found in the closet is about $250 if I bought it new.  And I got it for free just by going through our closet!  I’m looking forward to taking our “new” treasures out for a spin this weekend.

Organization is contagious

Since I have zealously embarked on the re-organization and de-cluttering task, lots of stuff has changed around here.  One, there is less stuff and we’re looking for ways to continue the trend.  My daughter’s room has been the focus of some recent organizational mini-tasks.  I added some plastic drawer bins in her closet and labeled them with my trusty Brother P-Touch label maker.  She likes that she knows where to find her doll clothes and other items. I am quite sure that she is absorbing some cleaning and organization lessons although I have not made a serious effort to teach her.  Case in point, she bought herself a couple of Barbie dolls recently.  We liberated the Barbies from the cardboard, rubber bands and plastic and found that not only do we have two new Barbies, we have about a dozen other plastic accessories many of which are tiny.  I told her that we needed to make sure that we keep all the pieces together.  She replied, “I need a box for my Barbies, and you can put a label on it.”  Exactly!